Dealing with a Superior: The Power of Silence and Circumspection

  • January 01, 2014
  • Sandra Rosier

I can smile now to think about all those times when a partner would have been less surprised to see the caribou head on his wall pipe up during a conference call than he would be to hear words coming out of my mouth. Yes, a caribou head. I remember a corporate associate at the Boston firm where I worked regaling us with his summer associate war story:  

I was sitting in on a conference call with a partner. After sitting quietly for twenty minutes, I suddenly decided to pipe up and cautioned the client that one particular step in the transaction might lead to unforeseen and dire tax consequences. I have no idea what possessed me. I just thought I had to contribute something to the conversation. I thought that I was qualified to make the observation based on my three weeks of practice and non-existent knowledge of tax law. The partner turned beet red, gave me a wide-eyed look of pure wrath and after cutting me off, spent a good 20 minutes backtracking on my comments and trying to reassure the client that there was nothing to worry about.

At one point, the partner hit the mute button, leaned across his desk, flung me a piece of paper and told me to go copy the document. When I stepped out of into the hallway, I realized that he had handed me a blank page. There were three possibilities at that point. The partner had handed me the wrong document. He had deliberately handed me a blank piece of paper to get rid of me. If he had deliberately handed me a blank page, the third possibility was that he actually expected me to comply with his request to copy that blank page. So, there I was standing in the middle of the hallway, completely panicked about what to do with this blank piece of paper. I felt like I had entered the twilight zone. In the end, I decided that the safest course of action was to copy the blank page and return to his office. I walked in and placed the blank original and copy on his desk. He was still on the conference call. He picked up the pages, looked at them and shook his head sadly without even looking up at me. When the call was over, he sighed deeply, finally looked at me and said between clenched teeth: “don’t ever speak again.” When I opened my mouth to say something, he held up his hand and said “I mean, don’t ever say another word.” I never worked with that partner again. To this day, when he sees me in the hallway, he gets this pained expression on his face.

Notwithstanding his nemesis, the associate in this story went on to make partner at that firm. This story reinforces the old adage that “silence is golden.” Confidence is not the enemy of modesty. Smart, ambitious over-achievers have a tendency to over-estimate their own subject matter knowledge. Don’t allow arrogance to demolish your brand before you ever get a chance to “show ‘em what you’re made of.” It is far more forgivable to be ignorant and silent than to speak out of turn when you simply do not have the expertise or experience to be part of the conversation.

There is another equally good reason to say less than to say more. The strong silent approach creates mystique. Angelina Jolie does this beautifully — or at least, the marketing firm that packages her has very successfully manufactured the Jolie mystique. Because she grants relatively few interviews, the media portray her as a successful actress and crusading visionary. It is easy to give away your ignorance by talking too much. By contrast, silence and circumspection are often mistaken for wisdom. In other words, people are more likely to assume good things about you if you are quiet. Allow your positive attitude and work product to substantiate what others had previously inferred from your silence.

The first step to learning is to embrace the limits of your own knowledge. Everybody started somewhere. State your point succinctly and without embellishment. More often than not, partners just want “the answer.” Never argue or push a point with a partner. The fact that you might be right is irrelevant. Even if you are right, you will always be the loser in an argument with a superior. Better to be liked than to be right. It is not worth irritating a partner or worse, damaging the relationship for the sake of making a point. If you must get your point across, find some other way to make it. For instance, to enhance your credibility, you can get a well respected colleague to endorse your position and present it to the partner as a dual effort; instead of arguing, you can ask the partner what she thinks of your idea; my personal favourite, you can credit to the partner for the idea and tell her you agree with her point even if she never made it.

When firms hire junior associates, they are hiring intellectual capital. They are hiring raw talent that shows potential to learn quickly and contribute meaningfully at some point in the future. The fact that you have a lot to learn as a junior associate is not a character flaw. Be patient. Lack of experience is an eminently manageable and temporary state of affairs. Even if you are not actively contributing to the discussion, your role is by no means a passive one. Identify the topic of discussion, absorb as much as you can, show intellectual curiosity by asking intelligent questions, be pro-active about your own learning and keep your mouth shut until you actually know what you’re talking about.

Sandra Rosier is a tax lawyer who practices at a Toronto law firm.   

The views expressed in this article are solely the views of the author.