BarTalk October 2003
Volume 15, Number 5

The Pursuit of Happiness

by David J Bilinsky

Opening doors with a little help from your friends…
When I was younger,
so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.
But now these days are gone I’m not so self assured,
Now I find I’ve changed my mind,
I’ve opened up the doors…

Words and Music by John Lennon / Paul McCartney
Recorded by Peter Sellers

Ed Sikov, in his biography of Peter Sellers (Hyperion Press, 2002), notes how Sellers spent all his time chasing around the world after cars (50), women, and possessions (including a mechanical elephant) because he believed that these would make him happy. Even his friends stated that he treated them abominably and he treated others even worse. Sellers was what we would call ‘a person with issues.’ Undoubtedly, he was successful in his career as a comedian/actor, but at the time he died, he and his fourth wife were in the process of divorcing, he had become alienated from his three children and he died from a broken heart looking for happiness as much as he suffered from his final heart attack.

In a way, it is too bad that Peter Sellers was way ahead of his time. Daniel Gilbert, a professor of psychology at Harvard, Tim Wilson, a psychologist at the University of Virginia, George Lewenstein, an economist of Carnegie-Mellon, and Daniel Kahnerman, a psychologist and Nobel Laureate in economics, at Princeton are doing ground-breaking research on the decision-making process that shapes our sense of well-being – in essence, the pursuit of happiness. Their research reveals that wealth above middle-class comfort makes little difference to our happiness. The problem seems to be that there is a shortfall between anticipation and reality when contemplating the future you desire – in both intensity and duration. Their work in ‘affective forecasting’ highlights that everything we have thought about life choices and happiness has been naive and at worse, greatly mistaken. As Gilbert states:

“You know, the Stones said, ‘You can’t always get what you want’. I don’t think that’s the problem. The problem is you can’t always know what you want.”

In other words, we pursue the things that we think will make us happy, but they are like a chocolate bunny – they turn out to be hollow in the centre.

What lessons are there for finding happiness? Let us look at some suggestions in this area:

Gilbert, Wilson, Lewenstein, and Kahnerman’s research reveals that social interaction and friendships give long-term lasting pleasure. Loewenstein believes that this might mean taking more time with friends and less time making money.

In The Art of Happiness at Work, The Dali Lama with Howard C. Cutler (Riverhead Books, 2003) states that work falls into three categories: survival, career and calling. Survival is concerned with salary, stability, food and clothing. Career is concerned with advancement. Calling focuses on work with a higher purpose. The Dali Lama states that happiness is achieved with activity that has a positive goal – a positive purpose. His message is clear: to be happy, we must seek work to which we are drawn that has a higher purpose.

BBC1 on January 6, 2003 ran a program “The Formula for Happiness.” Apparently, happiness = P + (5xE) + (3xH). Here is how it works P stands for Personal Characteristics, including outlook on life, adaptability and resilience. E stands for Existence and relates to health, financial stability and friendships. H represents Higher Order needs, and covers self-esteem, expectations, ambitions and sense of humour. On a scale of one to 10, where one is “not at all” and 10 is “to a large extent,” answer the following questions.

• Are you outgoing, energetic, flexible and open to change?
• Do you have a positive outlook, bounce back quickly from setbacks and feel that you are in control of your life?
• Are your basic life needs met, in relation to personal health, finance, safety, freedom of choice and sense of community?
• Can you call on the support of people close to you, immerse yourself in what you are doing, meet your expectations and engage in activities that give you a sense of purpose?

Now, add the scores for question one and two together to find your P value. The score for question 3 is the value for E, and question 4 for H. The higher your score out of 100, the happier you are.

What if you were facing life-threatening cancer? What if you were a child with serious cancer having suffered loss of hair, limbs, or worse? Is it still possible to seek happiness?

“Happiness is Camping” is a program in rural New Jersey for children who are simply too sick to have a summer experience anywhere else. The program’s mission is to provide a free year-round program for cancer patients ages six to 16, to provide opportunities for these children to enjoy moments of laughter, joy and happiness in a setting designed for that purpose. Many of the kids who come to this camp are bald from chemotherapy, or have artificial limbs, or other physical abnormalities that would make them embarrassingly conspicuous at a “normal” summer camp. What is happiness at this camp?

• Waking up to the chattering of birds;
• Gliding across a still lake in a rowboat;
• Singing the camp song before digging into three hearty meals each day;
• Splashing in a cool pool on a hot day with noisy friends;
• Laughing until your sides hurt at the weekly talent competition;
• Holding hands and singing at day’s end; and
• Falling asleep to the sound of crickets.

Perhaps these children can teach us all a lesson that was voiced by Abraham Lincoln when he said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Lastly, look after close relationships – people with close relationships (friends, partners, etc.) cope better with grief, job loss, illness and life crises. People who could name five close friends were 60 per cent more likely to be “very happy” than those who couldn’t name any. Accordingly, if social interaction and friendships are key, then we should pursue opportunities that bring us into contact with colleagues and friends. It would be even better from a utility perspective if this social interaction was in the context of learning ways and means of becoming more effective – thereby opening the doors to enjoying our free time.

David J Bilinsky is the Practice Management Advisor at the Law Society of British Columbia. He can be reached on the Internet at dbilinsky@lsbc.org.

The views expressed herein are strictly those of the author and may not be shared by the Law Society of British Columbia.

This article originally appeared in the October 2003 issue of BarTalk and is reproduced here with permission of both the author and the Canadian Bar Association, British Columbia Branch.